⚽️ Newcastle Makes Premier League History in Blowout of Sheffield United

Admittedly, we were a bit underwhelmed by Saturday’s action in the Prem. Manchester City was the only team currently in the top eight in the table to play. Thankfully, as often happens, the Greatest League in the World brought the goods on Sunday.

The Scores:

• Crystal Palace (H) 0, Fulham 0: Fortunately there were two other matches going on at the same time, because this one was nigh on unwatchable.

• Manchester City (H) 2, Nottingham Forest 0: Serious Pyrrhic victory vibes here, as City won the match but saw all-everything midfielder Rodri sent off for violent conduct. The automatic three-match suspension that comes with that red card means City will be without Rodri against Arsenal on October 8 at the Emirates.

• Luton Town (H) 1, Wolverhampton Wanderers 1: Well, there goes the shutout, as Luton finally has a point in the table. That lone point is enough to tie them at the bottom of the table with Burnley and Sheffield United, and all three of those teams already look like they’re in real danger of being relegated.

• Brentford (H) 1, Everton 3: Credit where it’s due first: Everton showed more fight and initiative in this match than they had all season to this point. As for Brentford, this toothless performance suggests that the Bees will have to scrap to stay mid-table.

• Burnley (H) 0, Manchester United 1: Erik ten Hag’s seat is still really hot, but at least for the moment it does not seem like the Glazers are going to hit the eject button.

• Arsenal (H) 2, Tottenham Hotspur 2: Certainly the match of the weekend. Arsenal’s Bukayo Saka was involved in both of the Gunners’ goals. Unfortunately for Saka, he also was involved in Spurs’ first because he got skinned by James Maddison near his own goal.

• Brighton & Hove Albion (H) 3, Bournemouth 1: Brighton played the first half as though they had all overslept, but eventually they woke up and delivered their standard suffocating home performance in the second half.

• Chelsea (H) 0, Aston Villa 1: Mauricio Pochettino has just about had it with his underperforming, expensive group. When the manager says “we need to grow up,” you know some heads are going to roll.

• Liverpool (H) 3, West Ham 1: It’s inaccurate to say that Liverpool are quietly kicking a lot of ass these days. It’s more that they’re just more workmanlike than some of Klopp’s units. Damn effective though.

• Sheffield United (H) 0, Newcastle 8: Not a misprint. You might suspect that a scoreline like that means that the Blades quit. Having seen the match, we would agree. Some of those Sheffield players should turn their match checks in. Or their uniforms. More on this below.

Top of the Table:

In the email today:

Give Sheffield United this much: For a whole 20 minutes in front of their home supporters, they held Newcastle United totally in check. Unfortunately, in the 70+ minutes that followed, the Blades let the Magpies pump home eight goals. It was beautiful and ugly all at once.

• The win marked Newcastle's largest-ever away victory and Sheffield United's most lopsided loss.

• Eddie Howe's Magpies made Premier League history by having eight different goal scorers in a single game.

• Newcastle displayed no signs of fatigue from their midweek Champions League match against AC Milan in Italy.

• Newcastle took a 3-0 lead to halftime and were never seriously threatened.

• Sheffield United manager Paul Heckingbottom was to some degree at a loss to explain the result, saying in as many words that he saw things from his players in the second half of the match that he had never seen from them before.

Our take: That last bit about Heckingbottom’s disbelief at the second half is classic shorthand for “I can’t believe the way they laid down on me.” Next week offers no easy reprieve, with the Blades heading to London to face a West Ham team smarting from this weekend’s loss to Liverpool. The shellacking put Sheffield at the very bottom of the table with a goal difference of (checks math) -12 in six matches played. Oof.

2) 📈 Buy or Sell?

This was a spectacular weekend for making some snap judgments. Sometimes these things seem to write themselves.

• 🟢 Son Heung-Min, Tottenham Hotspur: We have jokingly asked whether Spurs even miss Harry Kane. Son’s brace against Arsenal and his play so far this season suggests that the question really isn’t all that funny.

• 🔴 Aaron Ramsdale, Arsenal: Mikel Arteta started David Raya in this weekend’s North London Derby. At least for now, it seems clear that Ramsdale has lost his job.

• 🟢 James Maddison, Tottenham Hotspur: There were whispers that £40M was too much to pay for Maddison, that maybe he just looked good at Leicester City because he was surrounded by so many average players. Maddison is already one of Spurs’ key men, and so far he’s a bargain.

• 🔴 Chelsea Football Club: Not the manager. Not the new signings. Not the holdovers. All of them. The whole thing. Dumpster fire. Civic embarrassment to London…and THAT is saying something.

• 🟢 Kaoru Mitoma, Brighton & Hove Albion: Mitoma was a surprise omission from the starting 11 for the Seagulls yesterday. Nothing says “you should have started me” better than two second half goals.

• 🔴 Rodri, Manchester City: His red card was a selfish, uncontrolled act from a player who definitely knows better, and now his team will have to do without him for three matches. Midfield is basically the only area where City can be considered somewhat “thin,” and Rodri’s absence is apt to be exploited in the coming weeks.

Our take: 🟢 Honorable Mentions: Ollie Watkins, Aston Villa; Bruno Fernandes, Manchester United. 🔴 Dishonorable Mentions: Every Sheffield United player yesterday.

3) ❌ Tweet of the Day: We Might Already Have Identified the Three Teams Headed Back to the Championship

Yea, verily it may be said that Luton, Burnley and Sheffield have been Biblically horrific so far this season.

4) 🗳️ How Do You Feel About Blowouts?

Have additional thoughts? Reply directly to this email to comment, and see if we include your response tomorrow.

5) 🔗 Links Roundup:

• 🚘️ Manchester United star Marcus Rashford cracked up his £700K (!!!) Rolls-Royce on Saturday night; thankfully, he was not injured.

• 🇦🇺 Australian media continues to exult in Ange Postecoglu’s Spurs start.

• 🎱 Premier League blowouts like Sheffield United 0-8 Newcastle United happen more often than you might think.

• 🙄 Barstool Sports owner Dave Portnoy is apparently too cheap to pay for Peacock.

• ⏳️ Erstwhile Manchester United keeper David de Gea might contemplate retirement if the right offer doesn’t come along soon.

The newsletter today was written by Phil Keidel. Follow Phil on X @philkeidel.

Thanks for reading!